'Liebeskummer': How to talk about dating like a German

He’s just not that into you (Er steht einfaht nicht auf dich)

When you think about dating in English, what’s the first phrase that comes to mind? Is it "I love you"...or maybe, "he’s just not that into you"?

The latter expression started life as a line of dialogue in the popular American sitcom "Sex and the City", and then became a meme, and then a book, and finally a film.

Somewhere along the way, it transferred seamlessly into German as Er steht einfaht nicht auf dich, suggesting that mistaking boorish behaviour for a secret declaration of love may be a universal, rather than just an American, phenomenon.

Confusingly, however, the literal translation of er steht einfach nicht auf dich is "he’s just not standing on you."

I love her

"How do I love thee? Let me count the ways," wrote Elizabeth Barret Browning.

Her German readers might have been tempted to tell her there are three ways you can love someone:

Ich liebe sie – "I love her"

Ich habe sie lieb – "I love her"

Ich bin in sie verliebt – "I love her"

You’ll know you’ve finally learned how to think (and feel!) like a German when the differences between these three ways of saying "I love you" begin to feel obvious.

Until then, a broadly accurate rule of thumb is to think of Ich liebe sie as the closest equivalent to "I love her" in English.

READ ALSO: 8 phrases you need for getting romantic in German

Ich hab sie lieb is nearly the same, but with the intensity taken down a notch, and is often used to talk about your feelings for friends and family (and romantic partners who probably won’t remain so for very much longer).

Ich bin in sie verliebt, on the other hand, ratchets the intensity right up but at the expense of depth. It's usually used during the honeymoon period of a relationship when you can’t eat or sleep for thinking about that special someone.

The honeymoon period

Speaking of the honeymoon period, it's know as die Phase der ersten Verliebtheit in German – and it’s worth making the most of because the course of true love is as unlikely to run smoothly in Germany as it is anywhere else.

Eventually, every honeymoon period is followed by eine schwierige phase, or "rough patch".

If the worst has happened and your romantic partner has cheated on you, you can tell your friends about your liebeskummer (or heartache) by explaining that er oder sie ist Fremdgegangen (literally, "he or she went strange").

The word "affair" or Affäre isn’t typically used to describe cheating in German, but more often in the sense of having a fling or a brief romance. A "one night stand" in German is commonly ein One-Night-Stand.

Of course, relationships often end for less dramatic reasons than betrayal. Sometimes, a relationship (Beziehung) may simply have run its course or fallen foul of Das verflixte 7. Jahr – "the cursed seventh year", a phrase which entered the language as the German title of Marilyn Monroe's film "The Seven Year Itch".

Breaking up

To break up in German is Schluss machen.

To say "she broke up with me" would be, Sie hat mit mir Schluss gemacht.

READ ALSO: 'Germans are brutally honest’ - How hard is it to date in Germany?

Rejection is always hard to take, although the German language provides evidence that it may have become a little easier since the Middle Ages.

The German phrase Sie hat mir einen Korb gegeben ("she rejected me" or "she stood me up") apparently comes from the medieval practice of hoisting a suitor up to a lady’s chambers in a basket.

When the lady in question was displeased with her suitor she would lower a basket (Korb) with a weak bottom, causing the eager young man to fall through and crash into the flagstones below.

The English phrase "to leave someone hanging" is said to trace back to the same practice.