The things they don't tell you about raising kids in Germany

Germany is a great place to raise children, with generous state assistance for parents, good schools, and a generally safe environment.

It’s not quite like raising kids in your home country, however, which means that recent arrivals find themselves constantly taken by surprise – by the good, the bad, and the bizarre.

Drawing from personal experience, Tom Pugh looks at the pros and cons of raising kids in Germany.

Generous pre-school provision versus Kinderlärm

When I learned my wife was expecting our first child, I rang friends in the UK to share the good news. One of my oldest friends nearly burst into tears. He and his wife had recently had their second child, which meant they were a one-income family again... which meant they could no longer afford childcare for their older child... which meant my friend’s wife was trapped at home all day with a new-born and a three-year-old incandescent with rage at having been taken away from her friends to spend her time cooped up with a screaming infant.

Imagine my joy, therefore, when I discovered that pre-school childcare in Berlin was both affordable and available between the hours of eight and four, five days a week.

The cost and extent of preschool childcare provision varies from state to state in Germany but is generally based on the idea that early years’ education is a social good rather than a luxury, with opening hours designed to make it possible for both parents to work.

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On the other hand, this generous pre-school provision tricked me into thinking I’d arrived in the kind of country where the waiting staff in restaurants go into raptures over chubby-cheeked infants and passers-by stop and smile when they see lines of school children snaking through the streets.  

In fact, large numbers of people in Germany seem to hear the piping voices of small children as if they were the sound of nails on a blackboard. With vaguely terrifying regularity, the sight of tiny children in orange bibs being marshalled across a road can make normally rational people lean on their car horns and shout curses through their windows.

It wasn’t until 2010 that laws were changed in Germany to prevent Kinderlärm from being ranked as an equivalent nuisance (and justification for complaint or legal challenge) to drunken louts or pneumatic drills. At times, it feels as though public attitudes are still struggling to catch up.

Wonderful clubs versus ridiculously short school days

An absolute highlight for me, as a parent in Germany, has been discovering the country's abiding passion for Vereine (clubs or associations).

READ ALSO: 'Vereine' - How you can start your own club in Germany

There is a Verein for everything in Germany. Many of them are subsidised by the state and all of them rely on the goodwill, time and energy of an army of volunteers – the result of which is an almost infinite variety of affordable after-school activities for children, from arts and crafts to sports, music and drama.

Signing your children up for activities with a local Verein feels like a particular necessity in Germany, because so many schools still seem to close at lunchtime every day.  

The logic behind a German school day remains a mystery to me. Children generally have to arrive at 7:45 in the morning. My two children struggle to keep their eyes open during their morning lessons. Then, when they’re finally awake and ready to engage, their school day comes to an end.

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This won't be the same for everyone, of course. Germany has its share of Ganztagesschule (all day schools), and there are plans afoot to ensure that every school in the country can offer all-day schooling by 2030. At the moment, however, my son’s lessons at primary school are finished by 12:30 and my daughter is done at her secondary school an hour or so later.

That said, Germany takes its Schulpflicht (obligatory schooling) seriously when it wants to. When I want to extend the weekend by a day or two, for example, the tutting and headshaking is endless.

Of course the same rule never seems to apply to the school itself.  In addition to numerous Studientage (training days for the teachers) and Brückentage (bridge days), my son's school closes on two more days each year for Elternsprechtag, known as a parents’ evening almost everywhere else in the world.

Not only does this mean my son has no school on these days, it also means my wife or I must take time off work to visit the school for twenty minutes during the day -- to be told very little we didn't already know.

As I write, my daughter hasn't spent a single day at her secondary school for the last two weeks. Apparently, the final year students at her school require an absolutely silent building in which to take their exams.

The unexpected effect of raising children in a country surrounded by countries

The UK and Australia are both islands. The US and Canada are both the size of continents. As a result, many countries in the English-speaking world tend to focus on their own internal affairs – and turn their backs on the world whenever it begins to feel overwhelming.

Located squarely in the middle of a crowded continent, and sharing land borders with nine neighbouring countries, Germany does not have this luxury.

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My children have lived through a lot in their short lives, from the COVID 19 pandemic to Russia’s invasion of Ukraine (which feels much more threatening in Germany than it does in the UK). While I sometimes worry they’ve been exposed to too much too young, I admire the way they’ve learned to look for win-win solutions to problems – and I'm happy to give Germany a significant share of the credit for this. 

There have been other surprises along the way, but these are the ones that stand out for me after thirteen years of raising children in Germany.

What stands out for you?

We’d love to hear what’s impressed you about the German approach to parenthood – as well as what’s left you shaking your head in despair. Share your experiences in the comments below, or drop us an email at news@thelocal.de.